While reading through my daily devotions, My Utmost For His Highest, I came across a devotional that spoke to me so deeply, it felt like a reverberating gong striking me to the core. No, really.
The past few days, I've been feeling really disconnected from God. All of a sudden, He wasn't the first thing on my mind each day, and He wasn't the last thing I thought about before I fell asleep each night. I felt without His presence, and honestly, it's been hard. Even worse, during the summer, if I ever felt far from the Lord, it would be like torture-I couldn't go on until I had buried myself in the Father's heart. But this time, I just felt...nothing. Like it didn't matter. Apathetic. This is arguably worse. Day after day, my prayer has been, Lord, I can't feel You, but I miss You and I ask that You'd reveal Yourself to me. And nothing.
So as I was reading the entry for October 9, I was already enraptured by the title, "How Will I Know?" Chambers writes, "All of God's revealed truths are sealed until they are opened to us through obedience. You will never open them through philosophy or thinking. But once you obey, a flash of light comes immediately. Let God's truth work into you by immersing yourself in it, not by worrying into it. The only way you can get to know the truth of God is to stop trying to find out and by being born again. If you obey God in the first thing He shows you, then He instantly opens up the next truth to you. You could read volumes on the work of the Holy Spirit (so pointed-that's totally what I've been doing), when five minutes of total, uncompromising obedience would make things as clear as sunlight...Yet God will never reveal more truth about Himself to you, until you have obeyed what you know already."
SO good, right?! Oh man. And so, after weeks of knowing what I "should" do and blatantly ignoring it, I have finally decided to obey. I thought it would be hard, and in a way, it was kinda tough, but I feel so much more myself now. I feel so much more balanced and not on the edge of craziness. Amazing what even just a little act of obedience can do. I feel like the barrier I put between me and God is disappearing, and it is so sweet to slowly but surely feel the warmth of the Father returning to my chest. Mmm.