hypocrite

Am I just all talk?

I doubt myself so much.

I just don't know if I have the ability to really give much advice on anything at all. Especially spirituality. I don't know. Lately I've been feeling really hypocritical and blasphemous, trying to tell people about certain facets of the Christian faith. I feel like a fraud.

My relationship with God is like any other relationship in my life-it has its ups and downs. I feel like lately, things have been down. But sometimes I feel like I just have to plaster a smile on my face and talk about how amazing God's love is and how great He is and how He's been working in my life, when honestly, I feel like He hasn't been working in my life a lot lately. I know He has, but I just don't feel like it, you know?

Because to be honest with how I am really doing spiritually would mean I'd have to delve into deeper aspects of myself which aren't really ready to be shared with the entire world. There are some things you just have to keep private, right? But since I haven't figured out how much I want to share and how much I have to keep quiet, I just feel like I'm going insane trying to really talk but not talk at all. Ugh.