slow

My life has been a crazy roller coaster of ups and downs. Through it all, God has remained constant. I just have this image of my standing on a cliff in the eye of the storm. The ground below me is literally crumbling and falling to pieces from the pressure exerted by the wind and the rain. Clouds are swirling and moving so fast, they mirror the unleashed roar of the furious grey waves. My hair is being whipped around, but I am steady and serene and unshaken; sure of my standing with God.

Psalm 42 has been my comfort and hope this month. I just love the way the psalmist can be so honest about his suffering and confusion, and yet be so certain of God and His love for me. I feel like He and I are slow dancing, and my eyes are locked on His. As we're dancing, the background and the faces blur and fade, and I am lost in His ocean eyes. John Mark McMillian's How He Loves comes into mind. "If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking." I think that adequately describes how I feel when our eyes are fixed on each others.

Here's the text of Psalm 42, for your enjoyment (and mine):
^1-3 A white-tailed deer drinks from the creek;
I want to drink God,
deep draughts of God.
I'm thirsty for God-alive.
I wonder, "Will I ever make it—
arrive and drink in God's presence?"
I'm on a diet of tears—
tears for breakfast, tears for supper.
All day long
people knock at my door,
Pestering,
"Where is this God of yours?"

⁴ These are the things I go over and over,
emptying out the pockets of my life.
I was always at the head of the worshiping crowd,
right out in front,
Leading them all,
eager to arrive and worship,
Shouting praises, singing thanksgiving—
celebrating, all of us, God's feast!

⁵ Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
soon I'll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He's my God.

^6-8 When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse
everything I know of you,
From Jordan depths to Hermon heights,
including Mount Mizar.
Chaos calls to chaos,
to the tune of whitewater rapids.
Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers
crash and crush me.
Then God promises to love me all day,
sing songs all through the night!
My life is God's prayer.

^9-10 Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God,
"Why did you let me down?
Why am I walking around in tears,
harassed by enemies?"
They're out for the kill, these
tormentors with their obscenities,
Taunting day after day,
"Where is this God of yours?"

¹¹ Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
soon I'll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He's my God.