Sunday, January 24, 2010


and busy. Just because I haven't been able to post doesn't mean I haven't wanted to. My life just seems really consumed haha.

A couple of things I've been thinking about lately. First, I feel more and more averse to wanting to be in a relationship. At EPIC conference (which was amazing, by the way), I just felt so thankful to be single. Furthermore, I felt like being in a relationship and eventually being married and having kids would inhibit me from being as sold out for the Gospel as I feel I am now. I mean, if I was married and had kids, I couldn't just peace out for 7 weeks to go on a summer project, now could I? Sometimes I wish I could just live my life the way things are forever.

The other thing I've been thinking about, is that maybe I'm not really called on summer project. A lot of people have talked to me about going, and I definitely feel some peer pressure to go. But I don't want to go because of people thinking that I should; I want to go because God wants me to go. People said I should go last year, but I went to Mt Hermon. And I totally believe that God could have taught me a lot about ministry had I gone last summer, but I think where I was at last year, I needed to deal with my own personal demons before growing more. I think this summer I'm more ready, but at the same time, I haven't felt the personal call to go. I'm totally open to going, but we'll have to see.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Ughhh. I'm feeling so stressed. There's just so much going on. I feel like I have so many obligations. There's just so much I want to do, and so little time. I don't want to give up anything (haha except maybe my IT class...) and so I'm just stuck scrambling around and feeling like I'm going nowhere fast.

I just don't understand what my IT professor wants from me. I feel so over my head, because I have absolutely no technical knowledge whatsoever. How the heck are there no pre-req's for this class?? Ahhhhh.

Ok rant over. Time to think of the positives.

EPIC conference this weekend! Woohoo!
I LOVE my marketing class! So much fun.
And I love my life.

That is all.

Saturday, January 9, 2010


I love sad songs. One of my favorite bands has a song called "Dating a Porn Star." It is a crushingly beautiful song. It's sung from the boyfriend's perspective. It talks about the tragedy of how young women today have little to no respect for themselves, and they give themselves away so easily, too easily. Here's my favorite verse:

The strip club crowd looks like a sad constellation
But I hold your heart like the sky holds the moon
I'm cast down outside 'cause they don't allow boyfriends
Star won't you tell me you're coming home soon

It's a total parallel to Hosea, which is what I've been going over lately. And consequently, a parallel to how God loves us. Even if people take advantage of us and cheapen us to worthlessness, and even if we begin to believe that we are nothing more than just pawns in a chess game, God holds our hearts like the sky holds the moon. And He loves us so tenderly and waits for us to come back to Him.

Oh, the song is by The Weepies. Check it out, yo.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


I often question my purpose. In life, in friendship, in everything. I'm someone who needs a passion or purpose in life to stay emotionally and spiritually satisfied. If I feel like there is no point to all my efforts, I easily get discouraged and depressive.

For instance, over the break, I was thinking about how materialistic I get when I go back home. I think there may be a direct correlation to how pushy my parents are about graduation as soon as possible and to start working in a high paying job. I realized I liked myself so much better when I'm at school. So what does that mean? I'm still pondering the ramifications of that realization.

As far as friendships go, I've been trying to figure out why God has placed me in the friendships He has. Some are easier than others to recognize how certain friendships have resulted in my growth in the Lord, in maturity, in different perspectives. Others are harder.

And as for ministry, last quarter I felt discouraged by a lack of unity. But I was thinking about that last night, and I realized that as long as we have the same common goal, we are unified to certain extent. And, that diversity can actually be a contributing factor instead of a detriment. The tricky part is figuring out how to tap into that diversity to produce fruit instead of frustration.

This blog was kinda pointless, just me kinda jotting down some musings I've been having at night.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Happy New Year everyone! A few days late because of my extreme busyness! I feel like things are just rushing on by! I have a few resolutions and a few goals. Here they are:

-join a business club
-declare my concentration
-start networking
-exercise daily
-stay under my budget!

-teach a personal finance class?
-learn more about makeup application (become a makeup artist?)
-get a job/internship

And there you have it! Help me stay accountable! =]