Thursday, June 24, 2010

hard

Why are relationships so hard?

I often tell people, when asked about my experiences with EPIC, that EPIC is my biggest heartbreak and my biggest joy. Shoot, I don't have time for a boyfriend when EPIC consumes my heart so much.

There are people in EPIC that I'm really close to, but when those relationships aren't right, it affects my entire countenance.

I think my biggest thing is that I often feel like I am asked to love extravagantly without anything in return. I feel like I pursue people and it is fruitless. I feel like I try to invest in people, but they won't let me. I think what makes it so frustrating is that it takes so much for me to not ask people for the love that I desire to experience, because I don't want to come off as needy or high maintenance. And it's frustrating because I don't feel loved by the way they show their care for me, but at the same time, the lack of connection I feel with them could be chalked up to my not loving them in the way that they feel loved by. There's definitely two sides in this, but I feel so silenced because I don't feel like I can voice this without them seeing me as annoying or self-centered.

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