Saturday, October 17, 2009


Ugh. I have been just so negative lately. I feel like a general lack of faith in humanity tends to just put a negative spin on things.

Anyways, during women's time, we talked about the usual womanly stuff-you know, the questions every girl has: am I pretty? Am I lovely? Am I worthy of being loved? Will someone desire me, fight for me, protect me and love me? And then we talked about the lies women believe. Then a panel of 4 really great Crusade staff men came up to answer our questions.

I know they were meaning to help us, but I just felt really discouraged after women's time. I felt like their wives/girlfriends they were describing were all this singular, one type of girl. And I felt like I wasn't going to find a Godly man unless I was like that type of girl-the sweet, innocent, domestic girl. I guess I just felt like I was being told I would have to change to become worthy of a Godly man.

This, as you know, is not how God's love works.

Even worse, recently, I feel like I've been able to return to the sustenance of God's love. I've felt content in my singleness, and haven't been really wanting a boyfriend. I just love when I am content in my current situation in life, and honestly, I think that's a place that God is really pleased with. Singleness is only for a season (God willing), and there are so many benefits of serving the Lord when you're single that you don't have when you're in a relationship/married. But listening to this women's talk just made the desire for a husband/relationship come back. So frustrating. I just want to be free of these distractions. I want to love God purely.

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